1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
