This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
