White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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