Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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