New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
