I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize