two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
