you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
