if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
