I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
