Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
