I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
