I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
