So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
