last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
