If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
