sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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