I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize