does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
