i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
