dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
