Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
