OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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