My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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