Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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