She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
