I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
