I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
