Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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