I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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