kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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