I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
