Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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