I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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