dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize