Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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