dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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