Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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