Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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