no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
