remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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