Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
