I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
