so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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