Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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