At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
