Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
