yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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