I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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