just come out here and I will go home with you...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I believe in your delicious
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
