my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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