Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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