it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
