I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
