I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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