and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
