Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize