She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
