We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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