Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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