what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
