Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
