Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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