you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
