my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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