I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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