I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
