I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
