it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
