sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
