forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
