U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
