I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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