Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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