he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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