the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
