I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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