too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
