but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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