so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
