It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
