Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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