Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
