Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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