I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
