420 ftw
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Fuck appropriateness.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
