Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize