Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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