Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
