Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
