Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
