I CAN MOONWALK!
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
