he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
