There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
