OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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