There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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