remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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