she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
