is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
