im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
