I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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