apparently the secret to your success is patron
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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