Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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