sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
