i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
